Is Mercury in retrograde or what? Full disclosure I’m not completely sure what that means, all I know is the funk is real. I can’t quite pin point what is putting me in a funk, I think it’s Impatience. Feeling like I should be further along than I am is a vice for me. Having moments of momentum and excitement when pursuing a dream followed by down moments, where it doesn’t seem as if anything is actually going your way is pretty normal. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to remind myself of this fact. About 2 months ago I set a pretty lofty goal I wanted to hit by the end of the year, 5000 followers on Instagram. At the time it seemed completely unlikely, but I’m a believer in the shoot for the stars and you’ll land on the moon kind of goals.
Sounds like such a silly goal, followers on Instagram… But, for me, the more people I reach the better chance I have at getting a book deal, and the closer I am to being interviewed by Oprah… Soooo, 5000 followers by the end of the year seemed like a really great short term goal. For awhile there I really thought it was going to happen, I kinda shocked myself by how quickly I could grow my account if I really focused. Then everything slowed down, I lost momentum, lost belief, lost excitement and almost wrote off the goal completely.
I get caught up in my head and start to sabotage myself, I get lazy and don’t give everything 100%. I start to fear that I might not hit the goal, so I slack off. I just realized I subconsciously do that so I can blame my failure on the fact that I slacked off. Can you imagine the blow to my ego if I went all in, gave it everything I had and still didn’t hit it? I couldn’t stand that, so I think I’ll take a trip down the self sabotage spiral instead. Taking a week off is fine, right? *cough cough* I’m sick that goal will just have to wait.
This post started off as tips for getting out of a funk, but has turned into me realizing my habits of self sabotage. I do this with my health too. I’ll be on a roll, working out so consistently, eating perfectly (a cookie or dark chocolate here and there) and just when I’m feeling the best I’ve ever felt – downward spiral, laziness, excuses.
I know what it is, it’s a subconscious feeling of not deserving or not feeling good enough. If we can’t see ourselves already having and deserving the goal, if our subconscious doesn’t believe it’s attainable – of course we will self sabotage. Our subconscious is stubborn af and will do anything to prove itself right.
It doesn’t have to be that way though, with effort and consistency we can reprogram that subconscious, annoying little voice in our head. Or, at least learn to tune it out. We can train ourselves to keep moving forward anyway.
While I can’t say the same for my health and fitness right now, I can say I’ve made quite a bit of progress. I’m learning to catch myself on my way down the self sabotage spiral. When my little voice said “it’s not looking good, might as well give it up,” I wanted to protect myself from the sting of the inevitable failure. But honestly, what is the worst that could happen? I don’t hit 5000 followers by January 1st? Who cares, look at all the progress I made pushing for what began as a lofty goal and is now barely beyond my reach.
Self sabotage is really just another way the fear of failure displays itself. In those moments it helps to remind myself that failure serves a purpose, it forces us to ask ourselves, “do you want to continue or not?” Each time we choose to continue it strengthens the foundation of our belief. Each time we choose to just take the next step, we build a habit of persistence, and there is nothing that can stop a woman who persists.