People seemed super into last week’s post, How To Get Over Being Cheated On, so I thought I would keep with the relationship theme this week.
I have been in my fair share of relationships, so I will say I have quite a bit of experience in this department. Some might say I’m the relationship type and some might say I’m just afraid to be alone. But, the truth is I just got over my fear of being hurt by relationships, because I believe that relationships are the BEST opportunities for growth. There is no better way to come face to face with every fear and insecurity you have than in a relationship.
Every relationship I have ever been in has served its purpose in my life. They opened me up, shattered me, confused me, confronted me, built me up, made me believe in love, helped build my self esteem and helped me determine my self worth – each came and left in perfect timing, and taught me the lessons I desperately needed in order to be able to accept, and give, the kind of love I deserved. Every life is different, but here are the lessons that shaped me.
“puppy love” serves it’s purpose, it is meant to open you up, to begin the process of bringing down the walls you built up to protect yourself.
Love is not dysfunction and drama. Dysfunction and drama are meant to tear you down, to shatter you so that you can learn to stop waiting for someone else to pick up your pieces. Look at you, he hurt you but you’re still alive, you have the strength to pick the pieces up yourself.
When “love” shatters you don’t blame love, look at yourself and the reasons why you even considered this to be love in the first place.
Numbing yourself doesn’t help you, protecting yourself from being hurt and reinforcing your wall doesn’t help you grow at all. Evading your insecurities doesn’t make them go away, it simply causes them to dig deeper roots.
Shatter the wall, it doesn’t serve you, dive right into the deep end. You survived once, you’ll survive again no matter what is thrown your way, because no one outside of you can hurt you.
You know what love isn’t; it’s time to find what love is.
Go all in.
Love is not what looks good in pictures, love is not when you find someone who seemingly fits the image you’ve always pictured. Love is not on the surface.
You know your worth, if you’re gut tells you something is off it’s time to respectfully walk away – you’ll know when it’s right, you won’t question it.
Love is simple. Love is effortless. Love is fun.
Timing really is everything, just because something feels good doesn’t mean it’s meant for you – don’t try to force it to stay, let it go and be grateful that it showed up in your life. Every relationship serves its purpose.
Love is not a list of boxes checked off. Love is not what looks good on paper. Love is not fancy dinners and always putting your best foot forward. Love is not worrying if he wants you around. Love is not manipulation, or following the rules written in a relationship advice book. Love is not being unsure of his feelings, or feeling like you need to break into his phone. Love is not worrying if you’re being too overbearing, or wondering if he cares as much as you do.
When someone tells you you’re too good for them, believe them. Love does not need to be convinced.
Consider the fact that you have no idea what love is.
When you let go of what doesn’t belong to you, you subconsciously make room for what does.
Love shows up without you looking for it. Love is not worrying about what you say or how you act, love knows that you’ll be loved no matter what. Love brings up all your fears and insecurities and helps you let go of them for good. Love happens without force or pressure. Love is vulnerable. Love is imperfect. Love is pajamas and food delivery. Love is spending hours together without saying a word. Love is arguments followed by apologies. Love is stubborn, yet compromising. Love is admitting when you’re wrong, and gloating when you’re right. Love is forgiving, over and over and over. Love is letting the little things go, because the big things are so meaningful. Love is not being afraid to be a little bit psycho and clingy. Love is showing up unannounced without worrying if you’re welcome. Love is participating even when you don’t want to. Love drives you absolutely crazy, but you love them anyway. Love is knowing the things you would change about them, but not wanting to change a single thing. Love is strengthened by the tougher moments. Love is learning to see the other person’s point of view. Love is being excited to continue to grow together.
Love is realizing that you really had no clue what love was; you had it all wrong, until now.