In the wise words of Destiny’s Child, “all the women, who are independent throw your hands up with me.” I’m assuming if you’re reading this you’re a honey who’s makin’ money, you bought the shoes on your feet and the clothes you’re wearing, and to that I say “cheers.” Independence is truly the driving force behind everything I do, since as long as I can remember I’ve had a burning desire to never, ever rely on someone else to take care of me.
That independent nature has served me very well, it is what drives me to create, fuels my ambition and empowers me to seek the knowledge I need to make things happen for myself. We are so lucky to be growing up in a time where women are fighting for their independence and working their asses off to live up to their full potential. It is a beautiful time to be alive and a female.
But, ladies, lets take a step back and take a closer look at how are independence might be playing a negative role in our relationships.
It is something I began exploring within the past 2 years. I was hitting a roadblock in my career and was convinced that something in my mindset was holding me back from taking the next steps I needed to take. So, I signed up for a personal growth course called The Landmark Forum. I went there for breakthroughs in my career, but what I left with was an entirely new perspective on my personal relationships.
They shared with me a concept they referred to as a “strong suit” – the idea that we all have traits we take on based on past circumstances that have served us well in certain areas of our life, but don’t “work” in other areas. One of my strong suits is independence. This trait has served me so well in my career, but I could really see how it was negatively impacting my relationships.
My independent nature resulted in me putting up a giant wall between the person I was dating and myself. Giving off some serious “I don’t need you” vibes. I would agree that for a lot of guys that is a very intriguing quality. I believe men are attracted to that quality. But, looking at it with new perspective, I could see that when it came to actually being in a relationship keeping up that front was exhausting. Going so far as refusing to help fold his laundry because I am not going to be your little house-wife. *snaps fingers in a Z formation*
So, what’s the punch line?
When you find that man that matches your independence, the man you want to take on the world with – give yourself permission to let your guard down. That wall I put up was holding me back from accepting the kind of love that provides support and a feeling of safety, when for just a moment you don’t want to be that independent girl, you just want to be held and told everything is going to be ok; the kind of love that you secretly want, but your ego is afraid to admit.
When you let up on your independence in your relationship it will allow you to see the qualities in each other that can strengthen you and that will actually benefit you in each of your independent endeavors. When you meet the man who respects, admires and supports your ambition, it will be a magical opportunity to be a team, if you can drop the ego. You will be the independent woman that you are, standing next to a man that you know will be there when you need him.