Remember when you used to look at each other with hearts in your eyes? Couldn’t keep your hands off each other? It’s the best feeling in the world. Sh**, you actually really love him, and the best part… he loves you back. You’re literally high on life.
Then, even though you were sure it would never happen, comfort sets in, routine sets in, now you live together! He leaves his freakin’ shoes in the middle of the kitchen floor. You leave your laundry in the dryer for far too long. And it hits you, the “honeymoon phase” is officially in your distant past.
Okay, confession, this isn’t a hypothetical example this is literally my life. Coming from a recovering Honeymoon Phase junkie who had a habit of ending relationships when the real work starts. Also, a recovering relationship advice book addict who admittedly followed step-by-step rules on how to manipulate a man into never losing interest. All the books tell you not to come off too needy, “make it his idea,” you don’t want to seem to pushy or you will scare him away. Well, I’m calling Bullsh**. The games and manipulation get exhausting, and if you get him on games you’ll have to keep them up the rest of your life. That sounds incredibly exhausting.
Here’s an idea why don’t we just ASK for what we want? I know, what a groundbreaking, revolutionary idea! You’re welcome. This is something I’ve done from the beginning of my relationship with Blake and I’m so glad we did. We were both just so over the BS we decided lets just talk about everything. Again, shouldn’t this be common sense?
Figure out what you need, and ASK FOR IT. The right person for you will NOT be scared away, the right person will love you and want to make sure you feel that love.
My guess is you will find you need something along the lines of attention, affection or appreciation. In the beginning of the relationship we’re so attentive, hanging on our partners every word. The excitement is so high you can’t help but be affectionate. You’re appreciative and feel lucky to have found someone you fit so well with. But, when the honeymoon phase ends, it becomes a choice to continue to nurture the relationship.
I think I knew Blake was a keeper when I realized, for the first time, I wasn’t afraid to be honest about how much attention I like. He jokes that he should get me an “attention” button, like my own version of the Staples “that was easy” button. Honestly, not a bad idea. Whatever, I’m a Leo and my love language is Words of Affirmation, don’t judge me.
It takes effort to actively and regularly bring to your mind things you appreciate about your partner. But, it can make such a difference when you continuously remind yourself of why you chose to be with them.
In a world of social media and digital distractions, we often get sucked into our phones and forget that our person is sitting right next to us. Our devices are time suckers and can seriously cut into time for affection. They used to say don’t bring the TV in the bedroom, but honestly, these days Netflix binge watching is the epitome of romance. The only problem is, watching a movie or show while simultaneously on separate phones is hardly spending time together. Blake and I recently decided no phones after 9:30.
The point is don’t be afraid of coming off needy, or too assertive or like you’re asking for too much. If it’s right, they won’t run. If they run, smack their a** on the way out to be sure they feel the sting of walking away from a catch like you.