Here’s the deal, I have these pictures of me sailing in San Diego and a blog topic idea that I keep trying to make go away but I can’t seem to shake it… it really wants to be talked about: How To Get Over Being Cheated On.
So, excuse me while I shamelessly incorporate sailing metaphors into a topic that I never thought I would have to talk about. Because as the saying goes, “you never think it’s going to happen to you, until it does.”
Being the young and emotionally insecure girl that I was (and still potentially am) this was obviously one of my worst nightmares. But, I swore to myself I would be smart enough to know. I was not the kind of girl that gets cheated on! Ya, that’s what they all say.
*Disclaimer: I understand that everyone’s situation is different. I mean Beyoncé did take Jay Z back so there is hope for you and your douchebag of a boyfriend… right?
In my opinion, NO, it’s time for you to set sail and leave that relationSHIP behind (see what I did there). Seriously though, bare with me, this advice is legit and it worked for me. Here’s how it went down.
Lucky for me, the relationSHIP had already sailed far far away before I even found out. He broke up with me, said I was way too good for him and he didn’t deserve me. How perfect, right? I believe his exact words were “you are the salt of the earth”, and then he said something self deprecating about himself that I tuned out because all I could think was “oh my god he still loves me.” Don’t judge me, we’ve all been there.
I had done the grieving process, dealt with my own feelings of not being good enough, worked out like a crazy person and got back to being myself. Fast forward almost an entire year and I’m dating this weirdo who’s been in love with me since high school, feeling the most loved, respected, supported and myself in a relationship than ever in my entire life.
And then I find out the truth, my ex cheated on me. It shouldn’t bother me. I’m happy, I’ve moved on, but it does. The person I spent months trying to convince that he WAS indeed good enough for me, cheated on me. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt dirty. That’s the first word that came to mind. Violated, manipulated, I felt stupid for ever believing a word that came out of his mouth. I cried, sobbed actually, multiple times. What an idiot, I was the best thing that ever happened to him. Wait a minute, he cheated on me which means I’m not good enough, I was never good enough, I’m still not good enough. oh I’ll show him! Let’s call him, yell at him, set up the perfect accidental run in where I’ll be looking amazing and he will realize what an idiot he is and cheating on me will be the biggest regret of his life.
Except none of that is true…
Want to know how to get over being cheated on? I can tell you because I’ve done it. I didn’t do it on my own though, if I had been on my own through it I probably would have sent him an immature text, caused a whole dramatic ordeal or who knows what.
If you aren’t as lucky as I was to receive the advice and clarity I received, I’m glad I can share it with you now.
I know you want him to know that he is an asshole, you want to call him or show up at his house and curse the day he was born. But, guess what, he already knows he’s an asshole he doesn’t need you to tell him. He doesn’t deserve your energy. Calling him is only going to let him back into your life, a place that he no longer deserves a place in. You are worth more than that – you deserve the kind of guy that is clear about the way he feels about you, no games, no bullshit, who is so confident in himself and your relationship that he is strong enough to hold you while you cry after finding out your ex cheated on you, the kind of guy that when you should be scared of being cheated on again you never worry for a second.
And when you still feel like you need to reach out to the guy who cheated on you in order to “get it off your chest” (*cough*cough* prove to yourself that he still wants you and make yourself feel like the winner) there is this advice.
The fact that he cheated had nothing to do with you. Your feelings of not being good enough are on you, not him, because no one on this planet can decide what you’re worth but YOU. I’ll say it again.
The fact that he cheated has nothing to do with you. He would have cheated if it was you, that girl you’re super jealous of because she’s perfect, he would have cheated on Beyoncé. That is something he has to live with. Whatever was going on within him that doesn’t allow him to be faithful is on him and something he needs to deal with. Trust me you don’t need to call him. You’re the captain of your own ship, it’s time to set sail and leave him behind in the life raft because you’re not a total asshole. Then pray that he saves himself or pray for the poor girl that sails by and saves him.